my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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