You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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