I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
