What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
