Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
