I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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