In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
