I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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