he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
