Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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