i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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