She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
