It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
