Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize