I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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