omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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