and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
