And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
