meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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