He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
