You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm both gender and math confused
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
