and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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