i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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