first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize