Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
