whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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