if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
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