What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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