I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
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