that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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