Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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