fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize