Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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