You really coming over, don't trick.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
