you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
