Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm getting married
To pizza
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
