i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
