if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
