You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
