Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
