my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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