p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
