I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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