I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
