...so i touched it.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
