It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
