He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
