i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
