just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
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