Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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