so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
