When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
