make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
