he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
