One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
