that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
