I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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