im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
