That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
