No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
