Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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