Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
