She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
