i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
