you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
