I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
there was a trapeze. enough said
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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