And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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