And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
