Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
