Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My breasts were aching with rage.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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