How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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