My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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