Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
