why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
So much Jack, so little girl.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
