PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
