i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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