My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
