not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
