but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
