You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
