Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
