how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
