why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
