I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Randomize
