i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
