I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
