so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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