He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
