I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
