i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
