He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
