Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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