Pappa wants mamma naked
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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